You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
