So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
