Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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