apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
