Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
