I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
