i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
