Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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