I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
