Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
