those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
