I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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