walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
