My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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