you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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