i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
