I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
