More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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