Your face is a jimmy john
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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