Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
