Christians are straight up FREAKS
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
