Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
