booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Green mimosas i think yes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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