Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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