I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
