I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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