some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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