Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
