I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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