Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
