Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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