dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
