Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
