i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
