Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
