Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
