ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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