He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
