when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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