Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
