someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
