you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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