I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
