You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
