ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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