I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
