Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize