I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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