Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
