there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
